A Romantic Dream, enabled by Ubuntu

Dear Friends

I had the pleasure of Sindu and Pallavi’s company during the Kodagahalli women workers’ lunch break today. The two girls, at ages 20 and 19 respectively, are two of the younger women working with Ubuntu, and are the only unmarried women in the workspace. While the other women carry “home problems” (as Pallavi calls them) to work, and cheerfully talk about their husbands, their children, and their household duties (the universal subject of banter amongst wives, no doubt), Pallavi dances around them as she works, and Sindu quietly lays finished bags in the sun to dry.

Come lunch time today, I make my way to my quarters to eat my meal, soon followed by Pallavi and Sindu. They giggle and share a look that hints at a well-kept secret, and Pallavi asks the question I’m most asked when I’m abroad: “Boyfriend?”

I don’t know if it’s a universal conception that Americans are very liberal with their relationships, or if it’s just a universal way of finding something interesting to talk about, but I don’t think I’ve traveled anywhere (nationally or internationally) and not been asked this question at least once. And so I answer candidly “Boyfriend-no, not now” and shake my head.

Pallavi laughs with glee, and points to herself, saying, “Me, no boyfriend. You, no boyfriend. Sindu…”

I raise my eyebrows; how remarkably unconventional for a young girl in rural India to have (what I guess  and later confirm is) a self-chosen boyfriend. As this thought crosses my mind, Sindu’s eyes widen and she shakes her head in protest, fearful that word may reach her parents.

Pallavi checks a few more times just to confirm my answer (“Boyfriend? Yes? Boyfriend…name? Guess?” This last part I don’t quite understand. I don’t think I’m qualified in the art of divination, and predicting the name of my future boyfriend sounds like a self-fulfilling heartbreak. I think I’ll pass.)

Pallavi, the more fluent English speaker of the pair, explains that Sindu first “met” her “boyfriend” when he mistakenly dialed her home number. The misplaced call led to an engaging conversation in which they discovered they had the same interests, and Sindu eventually used some of her own wages to purchase a small mobile phone and cellular plan, so that she could talk to this boy without her parents’ knowledge. They now talk on the phone at least once a day, but have never met in person.

In an age of growing caution against false identities and stories of kidnappers who identify their victims online, behind a mask of youth and common ground, my immediate reaction to this story was concern for Sindu. What if her mystery phone boyfriend turns out to be a 40 year old creeper, getting ready to pounce?

But then the romance of her very Bollywood-esque story sinks in: young girl in rural India meets young college boy via chance phone call; the couple engages in a harmless platonic relationship over the phone and (ideally) later meet in real life and commit to a “love marriage” and live happily ever after (a term Pallavi taught me that refers to a marriage based on love, rather than an arranged marriage).

Then the unusual manifestation of Ubuntu’s mission in Sindu’s story comes to light: young girl uses earnings from Ubuntu to actively pursue her dream of romance and break free from her parents’ adherence to the tradition of arranged marriage.

Sindu’s usage of her earnings may seem fickle, but the freedom to make her own decisions, assert herself, and connect to a world outside of Kodagahalli, even if it is only through a phone-relationship, is a small step toward making Sindu a stronger, more independent woman. That small mobile phone hidden beneath her sari is a token of the chance Ubuntu has given her to take an active part in her own life.

I am grateful that the girls shared Sindu’s story with me, and thought it was a great, though unarguably different, way to demonstrate Ubuntu’s ability to empower women.

This is my last week with Ubuntu, and I thank all the women workers, as well as the other members of Ubuntu for this amazing experience they’ve shared with me!

Sincerely, Lily